How to support a loved one with addiction (without losing yourself)

When someone you love is struggling with alcohol, drugs or gambling, it is natural to want to fix it. Many families swing between trying everything and feeling completely powerless. Both are understandable, and both are exhausting.

Start with understanding

Addiction is a health condition, not a lack of character or love. People rarely choose it, and they cannot simply stop because someone asks them to. Understanding this can soften conversations and reduce blame on both sides.

Choose your moment to talk

Pick a calm time when they are sober and you are not angry. Speak from your own experience, using "I" statements: "I've noticed you seem exhausted, and I'm worried about you." Avoid labels, lectures and ultimatums you are not ready to follow through on.

Listen more than you speak

You may hear denial, defensiveness or relief. Try not to argue every point. Feeling heard is often what makes someone willing to consider help later.

Offer practical help

Have information ready: a GP appointment, a helpline number or a service you have looked into. Offering to make the first call together can lower the barrier enormously.

Set boundaries, and keep them

Boundaries are not punishments. They are about what you will and will not do to protect yourself and others, such as not covering for missed work, not lending money, or not allowing drug use at home. Stating them calmly, and holding to them, helps everyone.

Look after yourself

Supporting someone through addiction can affect your sleep, health and relationships. Family support groups, counselling and simple routines like walks and time with friends are not selfish. They keep you well enough to keep showing up.

Know when to seek urgent help

If your loved one talks about suicide, has overdosed or is at risk of harming themselves or others, call 000 immediately.

At The Sanctuary Retreat, families are part of recovery. With your loved one's consent, our programs include family sessions and guidance for life after their stay. If you would like to talk it through, get in touch or call us on 1800 053 188.